Just Say No
There is nothing wrong with saying no, as the saying goes, the truth shall set you free. This freedom has many forms, but the one that is most important to me is the freedom to not disappoint myself. For a long time I was what you could call a “yes man”, I had this fear of disappointing people, so I overextended myself to help others. It took me a while to realize where this habit stemmed from and even longer to become comfortable with the act of saying no. There is not good reason to lie to others, and that goes doubly so for your self, it’s a destructive habit that can waste the most valuable thing there is, time.
People will take up all of your time if you let them, so don't, you must set aside time to develop as an individual. You may not be able to set aside huge chunks of time, but small bits of time each day if utilized the right way can be invaluable. It’s illogical to think that there is no work involved in our own personal evolution, it took millions of years for our species to get here, and yet we think that we can just go to sleep wake up, and poof, we are all of a sudden mature members of the societies that exist today.
That’s a foolish notion, that I once believed myself, I thought that all it would take was turning 25 for me to finally be an adult. I was wrong, I was very wrong, it takes effort, it takes intention, but most of all it takes time. You will never be the person you want to be, or have the opportunity to become the person you are meant to be, if you don’t say no to things, people, events, etc.
"We are born not all at once, but by bits" - Mary Antin
You are important, and when I say you, I also mean your self-development, and self-discovery. To be all of the things, we claim we want to be, we must put in the work. If we care about ourselves, we must set aside the time, and if they people who are in our lives love us the way they say they do, they will not be a hindrance, but a helping hand. Those who complain about you not being there, not spending time with them, or about you changing are potential threats. They either don’t have the wherewithal to see what you are trying to do, aren’t listening when you tell them what you are trying to accomplish, or worst of all, see you growing and are afraid of "losing you" because they are choosing to remain stagnant.
"We’d be crazy to want to face difficulty in life, But we’d be equally crazy to pretend that it isn't going to happen" - The Daily Stoic
Say what you mean, hold yourself accountable for the words that leave your mouth, when you begin to say no, the value your yes will mean more to people, and mean the most to you. When you begin to say no to things and people question you, that’s when you know you have begun to value your time, your peace, and your growth differently. Those who know the value of time, will be thankful for your yes, and you, having decided to offer your time, will make sure to follow through on your word.